IPWNAGE!

12 Jul 2008

Well, I got the iPhone. I don’t know if I can describe the elation. Suffice it to say, it is everything I expected, and more. The more consists of a lightsaber program, and a virtual beer program. I will, however, enclose herein a copy of the log that myself, Will, and our friend Brianne took while camping out on Thursday night / Friday morning.

Here is “The Log”:
Reporting: Snakes, The Incredible Zulk, The Silent One.

TSO, 0015 hours, 140 Main Street 01060: So far, all is quiet on the Northampton front. There are three others here, origin and destination unknown. They do not appear hostile. Snakes and myself were here from 1800 hours onwards. MRE at 1815 hours. From then until approximately 2000 hours, we worked on Snakes’ and my websites, and other such activities. Reinforcements arrived at approximately 2000 hours. At the moment, the three of us have assumed our defensive positions, and are holed up for the wait. Further bulletins as the morning progresses. I’m handing the helm over to Snakes.

S, 00:26: Operative Garbus has return. We are considering gaming, but are probably going to remain conversing. I can hear the transformer in the light post behind my head. G has been talking of and interesting e-mailing experience with Professor ‘Li.

00:33 Eban has join our camp. His region of origin is Warwick. TIZ and G are making and expedition to 7/11: chocolate.

00:41 TSO here. The two foreign operatives have returned. We have learned from Eban (if that is indeed his name) that only the other male operative is purchasing an iPhone. We are attempting to analyze the frequency of the transformer hum formerly described by Snakes.

00:47 TSO. Eban has begun doing pushups. Approximately 20. The unknown male operative is speaking of his dislike for shingling roofs.

0100 TSO: We have determined the frequency to be 237 Hz. We determined this using PD.

0122 TSO: We are preparing to withstand the cold. Currently it is 288.71 K, and dropping. Reports indicate it may go down as far as 284.26 K.

0158 TSO: TIZ and I have returned from an expedition to 7-11 for bathroom purposes. We also obtained free Slurpees, as it is Free Slurpee Day, and purchased aluminum straws. We determined that music can be played by drumming on various metal objects in our immediate environment. The most memorable part of the expedition was when a drunk black man asked me what the “little hat” I was wearing was. I proceeded to explain the concept of humility before and respect of G-d. He seemed interested, if somewhat out of it. Taken in total, the operation was a success.

0221 TSO: We have narrowly escaped death or a severe dusting. Located as we were by the curb on Main Street, we were forced to rapidly relocate when the street sweeper drove through. Will was off urinating in a cracked-out alleyway, so we all had to pull extra weight to make up for his absence.

0314 TSO: An episode of the highest order of excitement has occurred. We stole Haymarket’s wireless bandwidth to download the newest version of iTunes, 7.7. The transfer ran sometimes as fast as 528 KB/sec, and incurred much exclamation.

0347 TIZ: Our crew is mindlessly idling on the street, having realized that the power on our computing device is running low. Several minutes ago, the gang completed a futile search for electric power. Unfortunately, we were not successful in our pursuit and now we suffer with the crippling boredom that comes with lack of internet capabilities and computing power. TSO has begun a chess match with new-found friend Eben. Will is approaching sleep. I sit here, wide awake, eating Nerds. Our conversations have reached a point of much inanity.

0517 TSO: A relatively uneventful several hours, punctuated by bathroom endeavors and encounters with the police. TOS and TIZ, when returning from a Dunkin Donuts bathroom run, were faced with the difficult task of carrying out a pleasant passing conversation with a narcotic dependent individual. This feat accomplished , they returned unscathed to Mission Control, where they then assisted in the transition to the storefront-sitting phase, lining the opposite of the storefront with chairs to establish a queue. Further updates on the status of this phase to follow.

0554 S: Breakfast was just had, location – Bruegger’s. TSO and I incorporated lox into our selections, while TIZ decided upon a simple raisin bagel. Our device of documentation is currently charging. The App Store looks preeminent. We all took advantage of facilities. The line is remaining mellow, but we will return soon.

0623 TSO: We have returned from Bruegger’s, after securing S’ camera, again encountering the unconscious narcotic-dependent populace. Photos will commence. After being interviewed by a reporter from MassLive (who will be receiving a copy of this log), S has reinstalled his polymer contact refractors, as the sun is becoming prevalent. We may attempt a time-lapse capture of the registration process at 0800, with TIZ supervising the photodigital capture equipment.

0713 TSO: Traffic and daily life is picking up here. I have just realized why today is free Slurpee day at 7-11. It is because today’s date is 7/11.

0746 TSO: I have finished the Large Mocha I purchased from Haymarket 12 hours ago. We are going to start making preparations for the registration procedure and photodocumentation. TIZ will be photodocumenting the registration process as S and I walk through it.

1018 S: It is severely challenging to think about anything not iPhone.